As parents, we see a lot of messages about the dangers of peer pressure as it relates to drug use, teen pregnancy and other deviant behaviors. We often act as if we need to arm our children with the ability to say the word “no” in a loud voice and walk away from situations that make them uncomfortable and, why that might be an admirable thing to do in some situations, sometimes all this training doesn’t really address the causes of peer pressure or give our adolescents ways to apply the skills used in standing up for themselves in the real world. Often all our best intentions are seen by the kids as silly and they often don’t really believe that their friends would ever put them in uncomfortable circumstances such as pressuring them to drink, try drugs or have sex in the first place. We try to protect our kids from their peers, which may not be the best way to prevent this behavior after all.

A lot of times teens and preteens are really focused on social acceptance, whether that is amongst their peers or even inside the family unit itself. Some children learn from an early age that agreement with others usually results in less conflict and, therefore, fewer consequences. While this might generally be the truth, sometimes young adults can take this to extremes to avoid disharmony or not fitting in, tailoring their responses and behaviors to how others expect them to be rather than how they really feel or want to act. When children and even adults modify their behaviors to please others over prolonged periods of time, it can result in a disconnection [...]